Gisèle Pelicot Tells BBC: I Felt Crushed by Horror, But I Don’t Feel Anger
Gisèle Pelicot, the focal point of France’s largest rape trial, shared her harrowing story with BBC Newsnight, revealing how she felt crushed by horror upon discovering the extent of her husband’s crimes—drugging her and inviting numerous men to assault her. Something exploded inside me, recalls the 73-year-old, describing her shocking realization as akin to a tsunami.
The Descent into Hell
In her illuminating interview ahead of her memoir, A Hymn To Life, Pelicot detailed the moment she chose to waive her legal right to anonymity—adding that she has never regretted this decision. She still harbors questions for her ex-husband, currently serving a 20-year prison sentence.
Shock and Discovery:
– Location: The police station in Mazan, southern France, where Pelicot accompanied her husband, Dominique Pelicot, regarding his arrest for secretly filming women in a supermarket.
– Turning Point: A police officer showed her disturbing photographs of an unconscious woman—her—alongside unidentified men.
– Realization: I didn’t recognize myself. I felt as if I were dead, she shares, reflecting on the trauma of learning that she had been systematically assaulted.
The Challenges of Motherhood
Pelicot’s emotional burden intensified when she was faced with the task of informing her three adult children—David, Caroline, and Florian—about their father’s heinous acts.
Difficult Conversations:
– She describes those phone calls as possibly her toughest experience: I heard my daughter scream. It was almost inhuman, recalling Caroline’s reaction with deep sorrow.
– Despite the trauma, her children rallied around her, destroying family belongings to erase their father’s existence. My life was in ruins, but I still had my children, she stated.
The Long Path to Recovery
Pelicot’s journey as a mother has been marked by struggle and determination to rebuild her life after years of trauma.
– Family Dynamics: She emphasizes that the tragedy has not brought them closer together, stating, It took us a long time to rebuild ourselves.
– Motherhood: Losing my mother young instilled in me a need to recreate everything I lost, she reveals, sharing that her children were the center of her life.
Confronting Inconceivable Betrayal
In 2011, Pelicot began suffering memory loss, initially attributing it to health issues, unaware that it stemmed from the drugs her husband administered.
– Shock of Reality: It was inconceivable that this man who shared my life could have committed these horrors, she admits, grappling with disbelief over her husband’s betrayals.
– Physical and Emotional Impact: The assaults took a toll on her health, making her question how he could betray her for so long.
Facing Further Revelations
More revelations emerged alongside the trial’s proceedings. In 2022, Pelicot learned of new allegations against her husband, including the attempted rape of another woman and the potential involvement in a 1991 murder—a thought too painful for her to process.
– Location and Anonymity: During the trial, Pelicot chose to open up rather than remain anonymous, believing it was vital for her case, stating, If I was able to do this, all victims can too.
A Message of Strength and Support
Pelicot’s decision to have a public trial not only highlighted her resilience but resonated with countless victims across France.
– Public Support: I found strength in the women who rallied outside the courthouse, reminding me that I wasn’t alone, she notes, expressing gratitude for the community support she received.
Trial Dynamics:
– The courtroom experience was excruciating, filled with accusations and humiliation. You go through hell, she asserts, reflecting on how the defendants minimized the severity of their actions.
Rebuilding Life After Trauma
As she speaks about her life post-trial, Pelicot’s composure underscores her strength. She met Jean-Loup, a kindred spirit, who shares her values and has brought joy back into her life.
– Life Beyond Pain: Life always holds beautiful surprises. It has brought color back into my existence, she reflects.
Now, more than six years since her nightmare began, she admits the journey to understanding her ex-husband’s motives remains intra-psychic. I need to confront him for answers, she says, emphasizing the importance of closure.
In conclusion, Gisèle Pelicot exemplifies resilience in the face of unspeakable horror. Her story serves as a powerful reminder of the strength within survivors. In life, you always have a choice between good and bad. I have chosen to walk toward the good, she concludes, embodying hope and the relentless spirit of healing.