Romance and Parenthood Feel Remote in Ukraine: ‘I Haven’t Had a Date Since Before the War’
The Impact of War on Relationships
Sitting in a wine bar in Kyiv on a Saturday night, Daria, 34, opens a dating app but quickly puts her phone away. I haven’t had a proper date since before the war, she laments. Four years of conflict have compelled Ukrainians to rethink nearly every aspect of their lives, particularly their choices around relationships and parenthood. These transformations are crucial, as falling marriage and birth rates are shaping the future of Ukraine.
– Millions of Ukrainian women who fled at the onset of the 2022 full-scale invasion have built lives and relationships abroad.
– Hundreds of thousands of men are also absent, either serving in the army or living outside the country.
– For women who remained, the dream of meeting a partner to start a family feels increasingly distant.
The Reality of Dating Amidst Chaos
Khrystyna, 28, living in Lviv, notes that there are noticeably fewer men around. She’s attempted to find a partner through dating apps but has faced significant challenges. Many, I would say most [men], are afraid to go out now,” she observes, referring to men of fighting age who are trying to avoid conscription. Soldiers returning from the front also face emotional scars, complicating the prospect of relationships.
Daria identifies three types of eligible men:
1. Those Avoiding Conscription: Not a person you want to build a relationship with, she says.
2. Soldiers: Relationships are complicated by long absences.
3. Younger Men (Under 25): They can leave the country easily, which makes for an unstable dating landscape.
The View From the Front Lines
Many men on active duty are shelving relationship prospects due to uncertainty. Ruslan, a soldier in Kharkiv, recognizes the limitations of what he can offer a potential partner: What can I actually provide right now? Denys, a 31-year-old drone operator, echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the risk of fatality. This uncertainty makes long-term commitments feel irresponsible.
The Declining Marriage and Birth Rates
The consequences of this disruption threaten to shape Ukraine’s future. Marriage rates have plummeted from 223,000 in 2022 to just 150,000 in 2024. Amidst a backdrop of rising deaths and emigration—over six million people have left since 2022—birth rates are also declining sharply.
– Birth rates have dropped to a record low of 0.9 children per woman, far below the 2.1 necessary for population maintenance.
– For perspective, the average total fertility rate in the EU is 1.38.
The Future of Parenthood in Ukraine
Olena, 33, is navigating her own challenges. As a policewoman freezing her eggs due to health issues, she acknowledges the impact of war on her family planning. During the first year of the war, it felt as if everything had stopped, she recalls. Yet for her, the question of having children carries a sense of responsibility toward her family and country.
Dr. Liubov Mykhailyshyn, Olena’s gynecologist, underscores the war’s detrimental effects on fertility, worrying that chronic stress may lead to long-term reproductive issues among young Ukrainians. We are waiting for it, she admits, concerned about the looming demographic crisis.
Government Responses and Future Concerns
The Ukrainian government has developed strategies to address these challenges, including affordable childcare and housing. However, these efforts often fall short due to reliance on local rather than centralized coordination.
Ukraine currently has 17 million fewer people than when it gained independence from the Soviet Union. To reverse this trend, a significant return of the 6.5 million Ukrainians living abroad is essential, yet the willingness to return is contingent on the country regaining lost territories.
Conclusion: The Fragility of Hope
As the war continues, the uncertainty surrounding relationships and parenthood becomes a painful reality for many. Daria reflects, Planning a future feels fragile, almost naive. This new landscape is forcing Ukrainians to adapt, accepting that they may remain alone not by choice, but because the war has fundamentally altered what feels possible.
The long-term effects of conflict in Ukraine raise serious questions about the nation’s demographic future. What once seemed like a matter of love and family has now intertwined with survival instincts in the face of ongoing turmoil.